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Eurovision Football Contest 2004 - Latvia watch, Match 1, Czech Republic
Is this England - Latvia final actually going to happen after all?
Labdien! Many of our three readers will know that Musical Megastar James TH benefits from being genuinely half Latvian. Besides this being generally a wonderful advantage in life, the double allegiance has had the happy effect of DOUBLING the man's interest in Eurovision Football 0204. So, having found the only TV within appropriate distance to be in the Gym at the Office, our tall football fan took his place in the excersise bike saddle and pedalled for 90 minutes while watching a new power in Euro football do themselves reasonably proud. If you're interested, the bike was set on a relatively low resistance level cos the user was wearing a tasteful hawaiian shirt and not PE kit, average power 180 Watts, I think about 500 calories burnt though this does not seem to add up, 600ml water consumed, 8 text messages sent... "Brilliant!!" "Looks like they can hold on!" "A draw will be good still" "Bugger" etc.
The first ten minutes was very reminiscent of Luton Vs. Spurs in a pre season friendly a couple of years back. The Czechs were clearly superior, more or less playing keep ball. Latvia looked nervous and uncomfortable in possession and could not hold the ball for more than 3 passes.
Stepanovs, Roland Parker's favourite Arsenal player of all time, was playing bizarrly well. In fact he was a collossus, blocking everything and showing an eye for a long pass out of defence.
The two wingers looked quick and hungry, especially Rubins, who very occasionally linked with Verpakovskis on the counter attack to make the Czech defence look very beatable. And so it proved just before half time, when Stepanovs proved himself a genius, finding Rubins onside with a long ball up the left. The Czech defenders were caught badly out of position and Rubins made progress to the by-line before smartly crossing for Verpakovskis to sweep home. An unbelievable finish to the half!
But could they hold on? "No" predicted more or less everyone.
And so it proved, with the lucky Czechs punsihing a couple of mistakes as the Latvians tired. That delightful lady, Marian Pahars, gave the world a superb "Hand of God" effort when faced with the keeper near the half-way line, but succeeded only in karate chopping the defender and giving away a free kick.
Oh, and Stepanovs had a shot from the half way line.
Shortly after, Latvians everywhere grimaced as a Pahars offside gave rise to a nail-in-the-coffin second Czech goal, crafted by Poborsky, who always looked classy and made noodles out of the tired Latvian legs on the right side of defence
For that golden dream of a Latvia - England final to happen like we all know it should, Latvia now have to turn on the style and first of all beat Germany and Holland, then probably Italy. Facing the truth, this is even less likely than Blighty beating Switzerland and Croatia but we are here to hope.
Roll on the 19th June, when the Latvians take on mighty Germany. Think the rowing machine will do for that one. Watch out for more exciting and essential reports on Eurovision's pluckiest team as they defend and counter attack their way to legendary status!
Excersise-biking-football-watching
Latvia Update Eurovision Football - Match 2, Germany
Rudi Voller sick as a parrot
The best place to watch the Latvia game last weekend had to be at Rowfant House near Crawley, a kind of centre for the Latvians in the UK set in a large country house in attractive grounds. It was their misdummer celebration weekend, lots of food, bonfires and dancing, the sort of thing you don't get in England unless we're talking about women with long silver hair and hairy legs at Stonehenge. For the match against the Germans, the bar area was filled to bursting with young Latvians, poling it up in front of the telly.
Every time Latvia got the ball in the German half, a roar of encouragement went up, as it did whenever Kalinko made a save. Later on, when Rudi Voller was on camera, superb jeering could be heard.
A fat man in a ridiculous hat summed it up when he stumbled into the bar with his arms wide in celebration, singing "nil nil! We beat the Germans nil nil!"
Unfortunately there's probably only one more chance to support your second favourite team in this tournament so make sure you're in front of a telly at 19.45 on the 23rd of June.
Celebrating the 0 - 0 win
Latvians Lose To Cheating Overpaid Dutch Nancy Boys - Match 3
See you at the World Cup, Verpakovkis and co.
Well it finally happened, Latvia got beaten by a footballing giant in a match with a predictable (pre tournament prediction) score line.
For the first half of the game, I was driving like a Wacky Racer (ie. Slowly, wobbling high above the wheels on stilts which were being sawed through by a chuckling dog) through London, being forced to listen to the miserable Germans on 5Live as they blundered their way to a dreadful beating by the Czech B team. Notice that the score line there was 2 - 1, just as the Czech A team had beaten Latvia 2-1. Add this to the fact that Latvia held Germany to a nil niller and the conclusion is obvious: Latvia are exactly as good at football as the Germans, if not a little bit better. Swallow that, Rudi - though I don't for some reason feel any animosity to the Germans at the moment, the French have definitely become England's "hate" team. But back to business...
By the time I found a telly to sit in front of, Latvia were a goal down in the second half, but playing swashbuckling, adventurous football with a confidence on the ball that probably came from knowing they were out of it and they had better enjoy their tournament's final minutes. I wasted a lot of my supporting energies patiently enlightening women as they passed tiresome, ill informed football comments such as "Holland is a tiny country, and even THEY are beating Latvia..." and "Oh dear, 1 point? Latvia aren't doing very well" and "They lost to the Czech Republic?? Who?"
Reader(s?), you and I are probably a bit thick but surely it's obvious that Latvia's cup final was a 0 - 0 win against the Germans at the weekend, and that generally they have competed man for man against superstar players from the top European leagues, when the majority of the Latvian squad make their living from far more modest clubs at home and abroad. Their heroic keeper was once known in England as "Calamity Kalinko", and Stepanovs was widely acknowledged to be Arsenal's worst player. But they have achieved a lot. Think of how the Bulgarians have performed in their games, with cynical disruptive play. Latvia at least are "minnows" who would have been an entertaining and exciting ticket had they graced the quarter finals.
Ruud Van Nistelroy got his chance to beat Kalinko when Edgar Davids was brutally tickled by a Latvian defender, about ten yards out of the box. Instead of getting on with it, Davids did that windmilling impression of felled fighter jet which kids used to do in the playground before they all started taking Ritallin and falling asleep between lessons. This took him a good eight yards towards goal, watched by a bemused crowd who then saw him fall the extra two yards into the box and writhe about, holding his wallet out to the nearby referee. Ruud VN scored from the resulting cheat-kick, and more goals started to look likely.
The swashbuckling I mentioned just now had its best moment when Rubins was fed superbly by Andrejs Prohorenkovs and struck a shot from close range which Van der Saar just managed to somehow save. More chances came and Pahars got his run-out again late in the game, replacing player of the tournament Verpakovkis. Stepanovs went in search of glory with a galloping run deep into the Dutch half, but some dull billionaire superstar snubbed out the old man's candle.
That's it for Latvia until the next major tournament. Could we see more of everyone's favourite new footballing power in the World Cup in two year? It is possible. Some Latvian players will be snapped up by the European clubs this summer and the team will improve. Who knows, it may be possible to distract ourselves again from the inevitable anti climax and heartache which characterises the England-watching experience.
Thank you Latvia - now come on England...
